Forgive My Blog

wishing perfect happiness for oneself

I’ve started applying “I wish perfect happiness for x” to myself. I’m fascinated by the objections that arise when I say:

I wish perfect happiness for Freyr.

  • The ego presents me with a carousel of all the things the body known as Freyr has said and done that seemed to be the cause of others’ suffering.
  • Do I have the right to set myself free?
  • Who would I be without any self-hatred?
  • It’s all very well setting others free, but J, this is taking the whole forgiveness thing too far!
  • It’s easy to forgive others, as you only see the mistakes they seemed to make that seemed to affect you. But my mistakes seem much more real and numerous. I remember them all.
  • To forgive oneself is the greatest crime one can commit (according to the ego). It is the final and absolute withdrawal from belief in guilt. To wish for one’s own happiness is to say the ego isn’t real.
  • I will lose my entire identity.
  • It’s dangerous.
  • It will probably change all my current motivations. I won’t have to “be a good person” anymore. I won’t try to help people; I’ll have nothing to ‘atone’ for.
  • How can I be useful in the world without guilt?

I may keep this email as a draft and keep adding any new objections, until Freyr is forgiven.

  • If I don’t have guilt, I shall become some kind of psychopathic murderer.
  • wishing perfect (complete, permanent) happiness for yourself is the definition of evil.

See, remember how I was saying that when wishing perfect happiness for Dad, it felt like I was turning a key in a big lock, or pushing open a heavy stone door? It’s the same in forgiving myself. These objections are what must be looked upon without judgement, before they can be gone beyond.

  • I am the home of evil, darkness and sin. (W-pI.93.1:1 paraphrased, actually, let’s continue paraphrasing that whole paragraph…) If anyone could see the truth about me he would be repelled, recoiling from me as if from a poisonous snake. if what is true about me were revealed to me, I would be struck with horror so intense that I would rush to death by my own hand, living on after seeing this being impossible.

I wish perfect happiness for Freyr

Freyr is forgiven. “I wish perfect happiness for Freyr” elicits no further objection.

I thought that would take longer. I thought there was an order of difficulty in miracles.

Gayle wrote:

I cannot thank you enough for your series of posts, so very, very helpful.

The one [above] is one that is most worthy of printing and right inside my blue book.

Your journey is truly inspirational and beneficial to all of us as part of the Sonship!

Many, many thanks.

Good to know I’m talking to the right audience. There’s not many who appreciate this kind of talk.

It’s really win win. Talking it out helps me. I wouldn’t have completed that lesson so quickly without you. You’re all forgiving right along with me, by reading my stuff. We are Team Forgiveness.

I say things in this group now that I’m not brave enough to put on my blog, even though I’m sure very few people follow my blog and this is a big group. DU students are a kind audience.

Now that Freyr is forgiven, I turn my attention to the elephant in the mind, my former friend and teacher, C. It’s been years and I’m still hoping to murder them. You know, if I could get away with it. Though I wouldn’t want to get my hands dirty.

I wish perfect happiness for C.

  • But then they’ll have gotten away with it. Without the punishment they deserve.

I wish perfect happiness for C.

I have forgiven C.

Jeez that was fast. Was that all it took? What the hell?!

Who am I? Am I just someone who forgives now?


So um, does anyone mind if I just work through ALL my remaining forgiveness lessons here with you? That feels, cheeky.

Oh look at that. Feeling cheeky is an attack thought. And the question is also a subtle attack.

Unless someone objects, I may go through all my (known) forgiveness lessons in this way, with you.

It seems too late to turn back now, might as well rip the bandaid off. Or to use another metaphor: this animal I’ve run over isn’t going to make it, might as well kill it and eat it.

Sent from the bath

Ute Replies:

Go for it! And thanks for sharing – we can all benefit from sharing our forgiveness experiences.
I also really liked the post you shared about special relationships. That is a big one for me. One of my ACIM group members brought that up a while ago, and thank you for confirming.
Not only have I finally understood that the HS had to work all kinds of overtime to bring my husband and me together for a special relationship, but now (after over 31 years of marriage) I have finally begun to move it into the “holy relationship” realm.
Please keep those #freyrambles coming!