what is lost and what is kept
I don’t resent anyone for anything. I don’t appreciate anyone for anything. But I am grateful. Enormously grateful. But it’s mostly a sort of non-specific gratitude. It’s not personal.
Something similar seems to apply to fear and excitement. I’m not really afraid of anything, but I’m also not excited about anything. We get excited when we see an opportunity to get our ego needs met. An opportunity which will be lost if we don’t exploit it now. So you see excitement is really a guise for fear, just as special love is a guise for hate. I’ve known of the relationship between excitement and fear for a long time, but not had their intertwinedness proven so clearly until now. When they leave, they leave together.
I do still have moments of what looks like fear or excitement, but they are gone in an instant.
Something similar happens with judgement. I do still have moments of judgement. What I don’t do anymore is justify my judgement. So then I immediately forgive. Judgement cannot survive without justification.
Undefended unforgiveness dies, because it is seen to be insane. Or as J puts it:
W-pII.1.4:4 He who would not forgive must judge, for he must justify his failure to forgive.