Freyr LePage

Special relationship with ACIM

I’m lifting the cover stone from my special love relationship with the Course.

The Course via which I learned how to recognise special love in the first place.

It’s all coming apart now.

While the content of the Course’s thought system in my mind will shine forth for the rest of my illusory existence, there is nothing sacred about the form the Course takes.

Who will I be without A Course in Miracles. Without Gary’s books. Without Ken?1

Without the specific symbol of Jesus.

What an adventure.

I offer the words above as a gift to the Holy Spirit in our mind, to be used for the goal of Truth.

Harold wrote:

Frey The A Course In Miracles is not about being more loving. It’s about undoing the ego. As far as sacred the A Course In Miracles is not and never was to be construed to be a religion.

It looks like you have taken me for a novice.

I thought you were cool but now I don’t.

You also spelled my name wrong, but much worse, you called the Course “The A Course In Miracles”. You misnamed the precious! Twice! Oh the horror of it.

LOL (I realise people don’t always get my sense of humour so I’m gonna pull a Giddy Up Mikey)

I offer the words above as a gift to the Holy Spirit in our mind, to be used for the goal of Truth.

Rob wrote:

I really like that 86% dark chocolate that Ghirardelli makes. YUM!


(Just Another Chocolate Opportunity) 😊

I like where this thread has ended up.

At this point I can’t tell the difference between chocolate and the Course. I mean, they even both start with a C!

Okay, I’m removing my customary email signature which I now see as a lack of my faith in you.

Speaking of which, I feel a shift, in which you lot aren’t so special to me.

Marcy wrote:

Good to see you, though I couldn’t tell if it was hello, a goodbye or just stopping by for a sec.

Whatever you do don’t alienate my newest buddy, Harold. He’s been keeping me company here. You know how quiet it can be. It would be great to have you visit more as well if that’s in the cards.

I have a sense that if I stick around, there will be trouble. When I speak my mind I offend most people.

The more layers of special love I peel back, the less need I have for you, which means I’m not really motivated to do and say things that please you or to avoid saying things that displease you.

I’m okay with other people being alienated if that’s their choice.

There’s a sort of ‘social contract’ that everyone agrees to (basically a special love bargain that pretty much everyone participates in), that I don’t care about.

So, you can understand why I don’t say much here. I don’t really think my content (increasingly sucked dry of special-love niceness) is welcome.

You lot are all, basically bliss ninnies to me. And I don’t want to interfere with that. But therefore I want to give my time and attention to those who actually want my harshness.

Still want me to visit more?

I believe it was Ken who said that another title for The Course could be “So What.”

Good title.

Curious if you’ve been volunteering on that other site you talked about some time ago?

Sometimes I answer questions. Sometimes it goes very well. Sometimes it goes down as well as a fart in an elevator (did you see how I used a DU reference, which proves I’m still one of you).

Recently I’ve been importing all these questions and answers and stuff (from other places like here and ACIM subreddit) into my blog. All things Freyr in one place. I want to put more into my blog where I can speak freely without accidentally lopping anyone’s head off since all heads have hopefully been secured before getting that far.

Oh about ACIM subreddit, nothing has changed since I was de-modded. So it’s still a free-for-all of different attitudes to the Course. This bothers me less now. I just sort of ignore everyone who isn’t saying anything worth listening to. I guess that indicates a lessening of both special hate and special love. But I know there’s more work to do. Under each layer of specialness, another and another. But each layer is, softer? less scary certainly. Less psychologically real. And both forgiveness and celebration are still fairly effortless, the moment I discover a grievance.

This has turned into quite a ramble. A lot more than the first one. I blame you for this. You’re an inspiration.

I think I’m going to tell you about my more recent training with Jules (Hi Jules). As trust increases, I’ve stopped pretending to be nice, and I just ‘out’ whatever judgemental thoughts come to mind, often while she’s speaking, I will comment on her judgementally. It’s hilarious. It’s great because we are both now so trusting, and so sure that neither of us believe in guilt and that all responsibility for our experience is our own (the secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself) that we can openly express our judgements without even mentioning that we’ve noticed they are judgements. We both know. And we know the other knows. We know what judgements look like, and we know that the other person knows what judgement looks like, so we no longer need to point it out, instead resting in certainty that the other person will take responsibility for learning whatever they need to learn from their judgements.

So yeah, that’s what I’m used to now. That’s the standard of my practise. and it begins to ‘infect’ all my relationships. Hence “I blame you for this.”

It’s like when Ken refers to people who haven’t got the right handout as “sinners”. He knows that they know he knows there’s no such thing, so he can make that joke.

But then it just gets ‘worse’ and worse. we start to exhaust old sources of humour and have to go darker. Murder jokes were funny for a while. But to keep laughing you have to push the envelope of trust. We’re now at, a heartfelt “F___ you a__hole.” (but without the sensoring) and not followed by an apology or any other form of amelioration for hurt feelings. We look for weak points to stick a metaphorical knife in and give it a little twist.

To put it another way: we’ve forgiven so many of the grievances we held against each other and accumulated so much trust that we have to reveal more and more of ourselves in order to keep forgiving, keep learning, keep growing, keep healing.

You want me to stick around but I think you don’t want me to play so rough. Which means you want me to be someone else. Not cool Marcy. Not cool.

Lyn said:


What are you laughing at princess!

I think you greatly overestimate your impact on others.

I have no impact on others whatsoever (it is impossible for one Son of God to affect another by words and actions in a dream). But when they blame me for how they feel, I feel like the kindest thing (for me, I don’t care about being kind to them), is for me to leave.

Chapter 18: III.

Oh jeez that fucking book again. I’ve already stopped listening.

How dare you quote it at me, like I haven’t read it already! Like you’re saying “don’t you get it?” (this is me doing an impression of Gary who is doing an impression of Course students who quote “Sickness is a defense against the truth” at people who are ill*.), like you’re trying to prove a point and be right!

*actually I do that - as a joke. On the rare occasions when me or Jules get ill, we get a good laugh out of “don’t you get it”.

You bless us with your presence.

That’s something I can’t complain about. Trying to complain about genuine kindness is like trying to light a wet cigarette.

Marcy says:

I know I would love to read one sentence or post (short or long) by every D.U. lurker, shy member, quiet member actively reading, contemplative member here. I am happy to know you all are here

Hell yes!

Not that I’ll actually see them. I’ve switched off email delivery (except for threads started by me) because while I love it when people share themselves, I got bored of the lessons and lesson analysis. If I wanted to do the lessons I’d read them in my precious. If I wanted analysis I’d open my even more precious (interesting that Ken is an even more special relationship than the Course itself!) copy of Journey Through the Workbook (which I’m telling you I own so that you’ll know I’m a proper real serious Course student).

So I don’t see when there’s a non-routine post unless I go on the website. Oh I see there are some responses.

Ugh maybe I’ll turn it back on for a while. Or not.

Harold says:

My response must have been humorous to those who know Freyr and his mindset.

I didn’t say you could gender me. How rude.

I will learn to let it go, I have my understanding of the Course and application in training, 20 years. I’m good in spurts. Dam it !

How lovely :)

I thought you were cool because everything I’ve seen you say is right. But being right (as in, correct) is a low bar. I have higher aspirations than being right.

20 years eh? you must be slow (too soon for this kind of ribbing?). I started less than 10 years ago. nernerner ner ner 😛

I was going to say “look back through the messages to see some of the context of my sharings here” but actually there’s a better way, if the mods will permit me a link 😮 to a website owned by me 😦 breaking the rules Freyr. Breaking the rules. Marcy if it’s a problem can you just tell me and I’ll rewrite it without links?

All past Freyr content in this group: (except I haven’t actually finished importing everything - 30 emails trawled, 70 to go, and that’s excluding the ones from yahoo before we moved)
Of particular interest is:

Your message was not approved

(private message from DU group moderation team)


A message you sent to the group was not approved by the moderators for the following reason:

Hello little brother.
I don’t mind you “gendering” me by calling me “princess”.

I do mind your rejection of the use of the principles of ACIM to examine your thinking.
By stating “Oh jeez that fucking book again. I’ve already stopped listening. How dare you quote it at me, like I haven’t read it already! Like you’re saying “don’t you get it?” “, you have indicated to me that you are not willing to participate in the purpose and discussion of the group.

We are here to discuss the teachings of A Course in Miracles, not the judgments of Freyr. Comparing your own personal accelerated growth with another member’s “slow” progress is silly and not helpful. It is demeaning and disrespectful, and I am sure that is not your purpose. It is not the purpose of the group.

As for your suggested links, if you want to get a group together to read and discuss Freyr’s teachings, feel free to do so. We are here to discuss A Course in Miracles and the works of Gary Renard. Please respect the rules of the group and please respect the members of the group.

Love and Blessings,

Freyr reply to mod team

Thank you Lyn,

My only purpose is forgiveness. What I share is not teaching.

I believe you have taken my jokes seriously.

Which means that in order to communicate with you where you are I must stop joking and be sincere.

The entire purpose of the freyramble was to go beyond mere discussion of ACIM and DU and work through my forgiveness lessons. Which means, sharing the judgements of Freyr (I share my judgements so I/we can all look at them with the Holy Spirit - how else can judgements be forgiven except by looking?). This has been encouraged by others. It seems not everyone wants the same thing.

My judgements for which the only purpose in sharing is forgiveness, can all be taken as jokes. In fact, the entire world, when viewed through the eyes of the Holy Spirit, is a joke.

You think I don’t respect the Course. But what could be more respectful than unreservedly applying what it teaches to EVERYTHING.

You think I don’t respect the members of the group, but what could be more respectful than forgiveness (which occurs on the level of the mind, not the level of behaviour)?

Respect cannot be seen. Respect, like forgiveness, has no outward appearance. To respect a brother is to have unshakable faith in him.

All this is very helpful. What a precious learning situation. Thank you Lyn. Thank you so much.

And thank you especially for writing to me when my message wasn’t approved. Rejection letters are my favourite. (This is not sarcasm. I am sincere).

Love and Blessings indeed :’)
(Again, I’m being sincere but it keeps sounding sarcastic)


Back in the group - Freyr writes (in response to Jean):

Hi Jean,


Jean said:

There is certainly nothing be afraid of, Freyr: “You want me to stick around but I think you don’t want me to play so rough. Which means you want me to be someone else.” Nobody wants you to be anything. Relax, it’s ok.

While I would agree that there’s nothing to be afraid of, I assure you that “relax, it’s okay.” is not the attitude of the moderators. And it is their judgement that matters - not yours or mine. It’s their job to quietly decide what is okay and what isn’t. It is their business to dictate behaviour here.

You are invited to email me privately, where I can speak more freely on this subject. I would have emailed you privately about this, but you seem not to have an email address.

Your message was not approved

(private message from DU group moderation team)


A message you sent to the group was not approved by the moderators for the following reason:

I am sending this message to Jean - she can answer if she so pleases.

  1. answer: I’ll be free