right mind wrong mind
I find I’m really struggling. Over the last year or so I’ve noticed that any shift tended to be followed by a period of wrongmindedness - the ego trying hopelessly to retake lost ground.
Shifts would be between 1% and 4% willingness. The last shift to 100% was 21% all at once, 25% if you count forgiving myself and C. So it’s not surprising that the temptation of wrongmindedness is intense, and may continue for quite some time.
So I’m going back to a fun game I used to play with J:
I ask him whether I’m in my right mind or my wrong mind. But my question is also a guess. So if I think I’m in my right mind, I phrase the question as “am I in my right mind?” And if I think I’m in my wrong mind, I phrase it as “am I in my wrong mind?”
The aim of my game is not to control the outcome but to guess correctly. This hones my sense of right and wrong mindedness and gives me useful information either way.
If I know I’m in my wrong mind then I know that all my thoughts are lies and I don’t need to take any of them seriously. And if I know I’m in my right mind, I can lay aside my self-doubt.
Returning to this practise is sure to help me stay above water in the coming weeks. Not that it matters overly. The period of ego backlash will burn itself out regardless - the only difference is how much fun I can have during that time. It’s a bit like taking paracetamol.
I’m in my wrong mind right now. This is the ego speaking. Oh except in saying that I shifted into my right mind.
Actually that’s an important point that many Course students trip up on. They say “my ego”, not realising that the ego is the one who is speaking. As Ken says, the ego is you when you’re insane. The Holy Spirit is you when you’re sane.
Back in my wrong mind now. The ego has an unmistakable flavour.