Radical Honesty cheat sheet

Not a substitute for reading Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton.

Levels of telling the truth

  1. waiting in silence for a 'vulnerable truth' we're brave enough to tell
  2. facts
  3. current thoughts and feelings
  4. exposing our fiction

Current thoughts and feelings examples

In selecting things to share, we are looking for what will make us most vulnerable, not what sounds reasonable.

Reporting what we notice about the person

I notice that pimple you have on your nose.

Reporting bodily sensations, emotions and thoughts we notice

I feel a twinge in my knee.
I feel a sadness.
I'm thinking about cake.


Telling them the specific words and/or actions we resent them for.

I resent you for saying you would do the dishes.
I resent you for visiting me.
I resent you for telling me you are sad.


Telling them the specific words and/or actions we appreciate them for.

I appreciate you for washing up my dishes and also the icky thing.
I appreciate you for saying "go away".


Asking for exactly what we want without a guarantee of getting it.

I want you to clean my kitchen.


Fantasies are mental images or mental movies of things that haven't happened but might. The depicted experience may be hoped for, feared, or neutral. If they are hoped for this should be stated explicitly (in the form of a request), otherwise they are treated as neutral.

I have a fantasy in which I am kissing you very sweetly in various places on your naked body.
I have a fantasy in which I'm at your funeral and your mother is crying and I lend her a handkerchief.

Freyr LePage

autistic, nonbinary, white, middle class

United Kingdom