Prepared for death at any moment

I have this practise I've been doing for a while. I endeavor to be ready for death at any moment. I think to myself, if I died now, what would be amiss? I find this a good way to expose my remaining magic thoughts. It helps me to focus on what's really important to me. But I counter it with "also be prepared for life at any moment" which has a few layers of meaning - on one level, if I'm going to remain in a body then I will need furniture and food and money and other things that help me in the world while I think I'm here - on another level, life means awakening to God. So then the question becomes "what am I still placing between myself and God? What would I keep from Him?"

Sometimes there are practical things to do, that I feel better for having done. I have a little notebook on the cover of which I've written "read this if I'm dead" and I write in it any useful things people should know.

All this started when I asked my mother to get her affairs in order so that if she dies I don't have a huge mess to clean up and to be prepared for death at any moment. And it sounded like good advice so I took it myself.

Anyway, that's just context for the thing I want to share. There's a lump in my jaw (in the bone). It's probably fine, but I worry it might be bone cancer (I'm already laughing at myself, I invite you to laugh with me). I had an ultrasound the other week. Next will be an x-ray.

I've being lying in bed thinking "what's the lesson here? if I end up with 6 months to live, how will my priorities shift? Why not just do whatever I would do in that situation, and then I don't need the cancer."

It didn't take me long to realise, I would do exactly as I have been doing, but more so. I would forgive. I would not waste time on anything but the completion of my forgiveness lessons. I would forgive the world.