no grievances I would keep
I’m still investigating the implications of the shift that has occurred. What still applies and what does not.
I do still react to situations, there is guilt projected onto others and onto myself, so there must be grievances, but there are none that I would keep. So wherever I find unforgiveness, I shine the light.
So last night and this morning, I’ve been saying to myself:
I wish perfect happiness for Freyr. over and over.
There are no objections, but it challenges my unconscious habit. It makes me cry. My speech becomes slurred. What was unconscious, is being purified and released.
I occasionally think of someone else, and apply the same thought to them, especially if I haven’t thought of them since the shift. And there’s a moment of forgiveness, where the old image of them is swapped out for the new one. Sometimes this happens mulitple times. The old image comes back hehehe. But it’s always weaker.
So the change is not that I’ve undone all grievances. What has been totally undone is unwillingness to relinquish those grievances.
I can now draw a parellel between specialness and unwillingness. Specialness is anything we exclude from healing. “I exclude nothing from healing” = “nothing is special to me”.
There’s lots of other things I’ve been geeking out about. Things I understand now that i didn’t before. But I’ll get over it.
Yesterday I went out to vote and to visit my friend, and ended up going with her on a trip to the next town. A town formerly full of my most special relationships (special hate). I watched in amazement as I saw the same streets, houses etc momentarily judged, and then forgiven. I felt a lightness in the place that had always been dark and heavy. My physical eyes see the same objects, but it’s a different town to me now. It’s friendly. It’s loved and loving.
I am still reacting to this group, even though this relationship is very Holy. But I’ve realised, as is so often the case, it’s not you I need to forgive, it’s still me (for my entire life, i have been absolutely vicious to Freyr. I might even say vindictive. That habit isn’t going to be undone in a night). Hence:
I wish perfect happiness for Freyr.
All my specialness turns to gold.