Log: How could anything in life be more important than mastering zen?

I used to think perhaps that I'd wasted my life. Instead of going to university and making friends and learning social skills, I spent my early adult life as a spiritual seeker. But now, I wouldn't have it any other way. As J would say: An untrained mind can accomplish nothing.[1] In terms of my own perspective, I'm only at the beginning of a long journey of undoing, but the view from here is so wonderful that I feel any other use of my time, my life, would have been utterly pointless. Of course, this may all be predestined, I may have woken up in this way regardless of what I spent my time on, but it is hard to imagine.

The things I neglected (or failed in due to autism-related difficulties) were worth it. And now I see ways to healing I wouldn't have had the courage for previously.

I want to share this state with others, but that is likely just a people pleasing habit. Nothing is ever good enough just to be experienced by me, it must be given to some external appreciator. Not that I could share it. It's not just a word-concept that can be transferred from one mind to another, it's a choice. J would say something about willingness. Or there's that saying about horses and water.

All of this, is me working out that there's nothing I need to do right now to help others. Or is there? Uh oh. The Quakers. I hear them calling to me.


Self Review
Neither helpful nor informative, and missing context. A ramble. This should have been in my Bullet Journal, instead of in public, wasting everyone's time.

follow up


  1. A Course In Miracles W-In.1.3 ↩︎

Freyr LePage

autistic, nonbinary, white, middle class

United Kingdom