Unfinished: Log: Consent

I started this a while back and never finished it, turned out to be a more ambitious subject than I thought and I went off on a tangent just trying to provide proper context. But what I've written so for seems good so I'm just gonna post it.

I've been noticing, since I wrote my culture, a new confidence coming over me. I have something sturdy I can build on now. And I also know why I can build nothing outside of this culture. Outside the context of this culture, there's not much I can say without eliciting fear. Few people want to hear the truth. Few people truly want help.

That's sort of the reason I made my own website: here I'm free[1] to say whatever I want. Anyone who visits my website must want to read its content. It's available, but not pushed in anyone's face.

My culture is a reflection of what I want and how I see the world. In the past I have made the mistake of thinking that others are like me, that they want the same things and feel the same way. I see now that a lot of social problems have resulted from this.

intimacy

hitting on people

I used to tell people when I fancied them, no big deal. But outside the context of my culture it actually can be a very big deal.

The dominant culture in society is rape culture (which includes the subculture of 'nice guys' who support rape culture by denying its existence or dominance). Women are blamed for being raped. Actually women are blamed for a lot. Guilt is projected more onto women than onto men. Misogyny. I feel like I'm really understating this issue. Like so many topics, it deserves a whole post.

In response to rape culture, consent culture and 'safer space' culture emerges. Places where privilege is well understood and efforts are made to undo it. Safe space culture has a lot of rules. Before I start to question some of those rules (in terms of my culture), they and their reasoning must first be understood.

Something that happens in the lawless world (the common culture), is men routinely approach women they don't know, asking for something intimate (a date, a phone number, a blowjob). Men are taught from a young age to feel entitled to women's bodies and attention.
And when such requests are declined, these men often retort with insults or even violence and sometimes rape.

In response to this constant threat, women (or anyone who looks womanish) employ an array of strategies.

There are of course men who accept rejection gracefully, but because of the common experience women have, even asking may elicit fear. So, the kind thing to do, when in the dominant cultural context, is not to ever ask.

I'm not a man, but people who don't know me may be fooled by my appearance into thinking that I am. And if they read me as a man, then they may fear me. So I've learned to be very cautious about telling people when I'm attracted to them.

Not asking people out or expressing romantic or sexual interest means that relationships only ever happen with women who are willing to be the one who does the asking. Women asking men out is safer.

However, this leaves us in a situation where we have to keep our thoughts and feelings a secret. blah blah problems.

helping

teaching

Without consent, teaching is proselytising.


  1. at least within the confines of the law of the land ↩︎

Freyr LePage

autistic, nonbinary, white, middle class

United Kingdom