Forgive My Blog

Condemnation by proxy

I’ve been getting to know a new advocate to help me communicate with social services. In our last session I found myself going on a long rant about the goal being to provide social services with every possible opportunity to correct their mistakes, but as a gift, based on the understanding that they want to correct their mistakes, they want to be helpful. Attack is not the goal.

Later in the session, my support worker (who also happens to be my ACIM buddy) shared a grievance she had against social services and gave an example of something they’d done to me, trying to help the advocate understand. I really reacted to that.

Later, outside of work, my support worker, now in ACIM buddy role, asked to look more closely at what happened, and I found myself telling her:

You believe that holding a grievance against them, helps me.
But when you attack them, you attack me, because to attack one brother is to attack every brother.

This was quite a revelation for both of us. I see now how we justify attack, whenever we think it is to protect someone else.

And we are often quite happy to let others judge and attack on our behalf. That way the judgement still happens, and our enemies get theirs, but it doesn’t come from us and so we retain our ‘innocence’ as good forgiving folk.

NO, if you are really giving up judgement, you must say to your friends “I would have no-one attacked for me”.

My friend mentioned an anecdote (I assume from the Bible) in which soldiers come to take Jesus away and one of the disciples attacks and cuts an ear off one of the soldiers. Jesus is like “no, don’t attack them”, picks up the ear and reattaches it to the soldier’s head.

Thanks J, perfect example.


Freyr LePage wrote (yes, I’m replying to myself):

And we are often quite happy to let others judge and attack on our behalf. That way the judgement still happens, and our enemies get theirs, but it doesn’t come from us and so we retain our ‘innocence’ as good forgiving folk.

This is like how the intelligence agencies get around their own laws. The US and European countries all have laws that say they can’t spy on their own citizens (because that would be politically dangerous) so, they spy on each other’s citizens and then exchange data.

This is how we keep the judgement game going while maintaining the appearance of forgiveness. We have a neat little arrangement in which others do the judging for us, and we judge on behalf of others.


Marcy wrote:

One can take action and be at peace aligned with H.S. (not be invested in outcome)

Yes, just so. In this situation I have no investment in the outcome. I will be at peace either way.

And that was the point of my rant: if it turns out social services don’t want to improve after all, that would be a satisfying outcome for me.

I didn’t mean to make this about the stuff going on in my life. That was just background for the exciting discovery of yet another way in which we hide unforgiveness from our awareness.