My Boundaries (first edition)

This version is made redundant by the latest version, but may contain additional information that might be interesting.

This post is about my boundaries. The post about how to do boundaries has been moved to here.

If you don't agree to these, then I don't want to interact with you.

You agree[1] not to:

  • touch my body without my explicit verbal consent;
  • obstruct me from leaving the situation;
  • move my stuff without telling me what you moved and where it is now;
  • use gendered language when speaking about me in the third person;
  • blame your (or anyone else's) thoughts, feelings or actions on me;†
  • speak on behalf of society or any individual or group who hasn't/haven't asked you to speak to me on their behalf;†
  • attempt to coerce or persuade me, especially by asserting a categorical imperative or by appeal to normality;†
  • express an opinion about any aspect of my identity or lived experience.†

How to communicate effectively without these is an article for another time, but in the meantime you can always ask me "how can I express x without doing y?".


These 'rules' are descriptive, not prescriptive. They are observations of patterns in my feelings and behavior.[2] If my behaviour seems inconsistent with what is written here, it is these 'rules' and not my behavior, that are in error.

I agree (or would agree, if you asked me to) to all these rules and more.

This list is dedicated to all those who showed me what my boundaries are by overstepping them. Thank you Peter, Fred, Tara, Chris, Jan, Mick, Scout, Nick.

My not wanting to interact with people who don't agree to these rules has no rationalisation behind it. I claim no inherent 'rightness' about my boundaries.

meta comment

mmm I like it.
need to make posts to address the terrible fear people have of making mistakes, and to explain the purpose of agreements.

Update 2019-03-05

My brother complained that there were too many rules and I realised that he and many others might prefer to lose all credibility than to learn to be careful.

† I am trying an alternative approach to the last 4 boundaries.

† These last 4 boundaries may be necessary only if you want me to agree not to laugh at you.

  1. Agreeing doesn't mean you will not make mistakes, but establishes breaches of agreement as your error to correct, and not mine. ↩︎

  2. I've discovered for each item that when someone doesn't agree to it, I choose not to interact with them ↩︎

Freyr LePage

autistic, nonbinary, white, middle class

United Kingdom