Forgive My Blog

All of our life experiences are lessons. Is this a privileged point of view to have???

mamaearthdumpling asks:

Over and over again I have read that we are here to learn and grow, and every experience we have teaches us something etc. All of this kind of stuff very much resonates with me and makes total sense.

I have personally experienced some hardships in my life time but have always come out the other end feeling like I have gained something, even from some awful experiences.

But then I occasionally come across stories of people that have actually suffered some EXTREME and horrific things in their lives. Things that I can’t even bear to imagine, torture, genocide, watching their own children die etc etc. And it makes all of my life’s “hardships” seem microscopic.

And then that got me thinking, am I just privileged in my life to be able to live in a “oh everything happens for a reason” mindset?

Like it just doesn’t make sense that some people have it relatively easy in their lives while others are living in a lifelong nightmare of hell on earth. There’s no way those people are thinking “oh well, this is just the lesson I’m here to learn during this life time”.

Can someone shed some light on this because it’s really making me question my belief system at the moment.


Freyr replies:

Does your thinking about those extreme scenarios help you?
Does it help them?
Are you in a position to do something about it?
Do you feel guilty about others suffering? What does their suffering seem to say about you?
Are you rendering assistance to them, or are you simply creating suffering for yourself?
If suffering is a choice, then this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. You see suffering in them, but it is you who is suffering.
Suffering has no degrees. It is all the same really. But with our misperception we make some things look big and others small. You might find this pill hard to swallow. Harder, in fact, than torture.


mamaearthdumpling says:

Suffering has no degrees?
So you’re telling me that the mothers in the Rwandan genocide who had to watch their new borns be smashed head first into trees experienced the same level of suffering as me who’s lived a pretty mellow life with a couple of rough relationship breakups here and there??
I REALLY don’t understand.


Freyr replies:

the same level

There is no “same level” because suffering has no levels.

I REALLY don’t understand.

Ok, let’s turn this around.

I am partially enlightened. I only have “partially enlightened people problems” now. It’s like “white people problems” but even more insignificant. To even call them “problems” is stretching the word “problem” past breaking point. I complain a lot. Mostly about myself (because I am the only one responsible for my experience).

You are, to me, as the mothers in Rwanda are to you.

a pretty mellow life with a couple of rough relationship breakups here and there

That, to me, sounds like orders of magnitude ‘worse’ than my experience. It is a ‘level’ of suffering I could not tolerate. Yet you treat it like it’s okay.

What am I to do?


mamaearthdumpling says:

Okay! I understand a little better now.

I suppose I’m not looking to do anything.
I’m just trying to gain an understanding.

Many people suffer from traumatic experiences that leaves them either dead or disabled or in such a horrific mental state that their quality of life is super poor, till the day they die.

I don’t think it’s really fair to now turn to these people and say “all suffering is equal, it’s all the same”

Here is a question for you then. If you were in a position where your family had been murdered and you had been tortured and seen and experienced the unthinkable, and survived. Could you honestly and truthfully be able to turn around and say that all suffering is the same??


Freyr replies:

I’m just trying to gain an understanding.

You try to gain understanding of others’ experience, but you do not understand your own experience.
When you understand your own experience, you will understand everyone.

till the day they die.

There is no death. We are reborn as many times as is necessary to learn ALL our lessons. As many times as is necessary. It’s not a one-off gig.

I don’t think it’s really fair to now turn to these people and say “all suffering is equal, it’s all the same”

Why would you say that to them?

Oh, you used the word ‘fair’. Ahhh mmmm okay. So you want to distribute suffering fairly among everyone. Why not abolish it entirely, starting with you?

This whole enlightenment business is horrendously, absurdly, outrageously unfair. The trail blazers become free of suffering first. But in doing so, they make the way easier for those who come after them. I am walking in the footprints of those who have basically done all the work for me. There’s nothing I can do to repay them because they already have everything they need. So I just walk, taking all the happiness for myself, that they offer me. And, I cannot help but leave a trail of my own footprints that others may follow. And they will face that same unfairness as me, unable to ever repay my generosity.

Your suffering more, does not reduce the suffering of others. That is not how it works. A happy, liberated person is an unintentional blessing upon all the world.


mamaearthdumpling says:

Okay this reply did sink in for me somewhat! I really appreciate you taking the time out to write that out.


Freyr replies:

It’s win win. I gain so much from these conversations.
:D